..or should I say in less than 12 hours? or 6 hours might also be applicable. How am I supposed to that? Alright, panicking won't do anything and I was informed about this weeks ago and only tonight did it all sinked in.
I. Will. Be. Living. Independently. For. 9. Months.
Or not totally because I'm living with my mother during weekends. My father is leaving for Thailand tomorrow 6 am and I am expected to behave, to be responsible, to be independent, to be more mature, to live on my own, and to act like an adult effective tomorrow morning. Don't get me wrong, living independently is awesome and has its perks but what's bothering me is that I am not used to live in our house without my father because since grade school he's the one I'm living with, he's the one I'm going home to.. and now, I will be going home to no one but my bed, the t.v.,laundry, dust, cockroaches, and other non living or annoying things. Just by thinking about it makes me sad, and emotional at the same time.
Before, I sometimes think what would it be if I live independently and somehow I wish I am. But now that it's coming to real life, I think I am not yet ready and that I can't handle all the big responsibilities I will have. And that responsibility isn't just by taking care of myself because no one would now but also I have to take responsibility of the unit, make my own food, pay bills, do the grocery, clean the whole house including the bathroom which is not my favorite thing to do, to change defective light bulbs, and even to be at ease when there's a black out and the storm's raging. Truth to be told, I hate thunders with matching black outs, it makes me scared and nervous and imagine a lot of things. I also hate it when I'm going to sleep and I can't hear the tv downstairs because I feel alone knowing no one's there watching now.
Those are just my little sentiments right now and hoping in days or if not, in weeks, I'll cope up with my issues and fears of living alone. This is also the exact time it's sinking in that I'm already 19! In few months I will be leaving my teens years and enter adulthood. This might just be the warm up of everything, or probably the introduction to adult life? I have my choice in going home to Pasig everyday so that I don't need to take responsibility to all of these, but what makes me want to stay in this set up even though my father's set to leave for Thailand tomorrow is because this unit is my personal space. I feel at ease, at home, and this is my comfort place that whenever I feel sad, this is the place I always go to. This is the place where I think and reflect most of the time.
Teaching in Thailand is a great opportunity for my father, and I know he accepted it because he knows he can trust me and I'm a grown up woman already. He knows I can already handle myself. And that's why I won't disappoint him.
It's true that it may be hard and it requires me to take charge of big responsibilities, but hey, I know I can. It's just 9 months, no big deal. Anyway we have the world wide web, skype, wechat, and other modes of communication. I will surely miss my father. Even though we don't talk that much, he's still the most caring and supportive man I know. Fyi, he's techi -er than me. :))
So starting tomorrow, things will be a lot different. Change is really the only constant thing in this world. We have no choice but to be strong and cope up with those changes. I don't know what will happen in those short 9 months but the only thing I know is that everything has a reason. This is one of those times where I should trust God's plan. Everything will be fine.